Blog | Second Banana

Article header image for Second Banana's long-term ENM research guide. Deep teal-black background with the headline "The Structure" in large pale aqua-white type and "That Holds." in italic deep emerald below. Descriptor reads "What the research says about long-term ENM: jealousy over time, compersion in reality, and where it breaks." A cool-toned gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical teal rule. Taglines read "Sheff · Conley · Balzarini et al." and "More Craft Than Chemistry."

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) Polyamory Relationship Anarchy Compersion

Why Long-Term Ethical Non-Monogamy Works (And Why It Sometimes Doesn't) | Second Banana

August 12, 2026

Long-term ENM doesn't fail because of jealousy alone — it fails from unrenegotiated agreements and asymmetric enthusiasm. What the research says actually makes non-monogamy last for decades.

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Article header image for Second Banana's guide to celibacy and involuntary celibacy. Deep warm near-black background with the headline across four lines: "Not Having Sex." in large pale cream type, "The Full Spectrum:" in matching cream, "Chosen, Circumstantial," in italic ochre-gold, and "and Involuntary." in cream. Descriptor reads "What the research says about celibacy, chastity, and the genuine pain of not finding connection." A muted warm-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical stone-ochre rule. Taglines read "Chosen · Asexuality · Involuntary" and "The Suffering Is Real. The Explanation Deserves Scrutiny."

Celibacy Chastity

Celibacy, Chastity, and Involuntary Celibacy: The Full Honest Picture | Second Banana

August 5, 2026

From religious chastity to secular celibacy to the genuine pain of involuntary celibacy — and the ideological framework that has grown up around it. Here’s what the research says, and what actually helps.

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Article header image for Second Banana's guide to writing your first post. Deep warm near-black background with the headline "How to Write" in large pale cream serif type and "Your Post." in italic amber-gold below. Descriptor reads "The psychology of desire disclosure, why specificity finds the right person, and how to say the thing." A rich warm-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical amber rule. Taglines read "The Right Person Is Looking For" and "Exactly What You've Been Afraid to Say."

Second Banana Getting Started with Second Banana Posting on Second Banana Tag System

How to Write Your Second Banana Post (And Why Specificity Changes Everything) | Second Banana

July 30, 2026

The difference between a post that finds your person and one that gets ignored is almost entirely about specificity. Here’s the psychology of desire disclosure, what makes a post findable, and how to write the one that actually works.

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Article header image for Second Banana's erotic fiction psychology guide. Deep plum background with the headline across three lines: "Why You" in pale lavender, "Read Smut." in italic violet, and a descriptor reading "The psychology of erotic fiction, sexual fantasy, and what BookTok got right before the research did." A warm amber-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical violet rule. Tagline reads "Fantasy · Desire Mapping · Dark Romance — Content ≠ Real-World Desire."

Erotica Second Banana Book Club BookTok Erotic Fiction Smut Demisexual Sexual Sovereignty

Why You Read Smut (And What It’s Actually Telling You) | Second Banana

July 26, 2026

BookTok made erotic fiction mainstream. The psychology of why we read it — and what our fantasies reveal about desire, safety, and what we actually want — is more interesting than anyone’s giving it credit for. Here’s the research.

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Article header image for Second Banana's sexual communication guide. Deep teal-black background with the headline "The Conversation" in pale aqua-white and "You Keep Not Having." in italic emerald. Descriptor reads "Why sexual communication is the single strongest predictor of satisfaction — and what makes it hard." A cool-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical teal rule. Taglines read "Mallory et al. 2015 Meta-Analysis" and "Larger Effect Than Frequency or Technique."

Relationships Communication Sexual Communication

How to Talk About Sex With a Partner (And Why It’s So Hard) | Second Banana

July 24, 2026

Sexual communication is the single strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction in the research — more than frequency, more than technique. Here’s why it’s so difficult, what actually works, and how to start the conversations you’ve been avoiding.

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Article header image for Second Banana's orgasm guide. Deep violet-black background with the headline "The Orgasm." in large pale lavender type, followed by "What It Actually Is." and "Why the Gap Exists." in italic magenta. Descriptor reads "The physiology, the gap, anorgasmia, faking it, and why pleasure is the better goal anyway." A warm amber-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical magenta rule. Taglines read "A Reflex, Not an Achievement" and "The Gap Is Not Anatomical."

Orgasms

Orgasm: What It Actually Is, Why the Gap Exists, and What Actually Helps | Second Banana

July 19, 2026

The orgasm gap is real, documented, and largely explainable. So is anorgasmia. So is faking it and what it costs. Here’s the honest account of orgasm — the physiology, the psychology, the gap, and what the research says about closing it.

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Article header image for Second Banana's long-term desire guide. Deep warm near-black background with the headline "The Desire That Changes." in large pale cream serif type, followed by "Not the One That Disappears." in smaller italic copper below. Descriptor reads "Habituation. NRE. What Esther Perel got right. What actually works." A rich amber-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical copper rule. Tagline reads "Dopamine · Oxytocin · Habituation — NRE Is Chemistry. Long-Term Desire Is Craft."

Sexual Desire Sexual Sovereignty New Relationship Energy

Why Long-Term Relationships Kill Desire (And What Actually Helps) | Second Banana

July 10, 2026

Desire doesn’t just fade in long-term relationships. It changes structure. Here’s the neuroscience of habituation, what Esther Perel’s research actually shows, and what the evidence says works — beyond “try new things.”

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Dark editorial header image for the Second Banana glory hole guide, burgundy and rose palette. A near-black background with a deep red rule across the top. Left column reads "Glory Hole" across two lines in dusty rose-white bold and rose italic serif type at 64px, with the subtitle "The wall is not an obstacle. It is the entire design." and the three-line tagline "Anonymity made structural. Body without person. The surrender of selection." Tag pills along the bottom left read Glory Hole, Anonymity Kink, Cruising, Partner Setup in deep rose. A banana illustration in warm rose-red tones lies diagonally across the right side. Second Banana branding lower right.

Second Banana Fantasy Glory Holes

Glory Hole: The Psychology of Structural Anonymity, the Fantasy vs the Reality, and What the Wall Actually Does | Second Banana

July 6, 2026

The glory hole’s defining feature is the wall — anonymity made physical, encounter stripped of identity and relational context. Here’s the psychology of what that specific architecture offers, the fantasy/reality distinction, and the cruising culture that gave it history.

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Article header image for Second Banana's trauma-informed kink guide. Deep blue-black background with headline "Both Things" in pale blue-white and "Can Be True." in italic slate-teal. Descriptor reads "On being a trauma survivor who is also kinky — and how to navigate it honestly." A muted gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical slate-blue rule. Tagline reads "Somatic Processing · Consent Scaffolding — The Possibility and the Risk."

Survivors Trauma Sexual Sovereignty

Trauma-Informed Kink: Being a Survivor Who’s Also Kinky | Second Banana

July 3, 2026

BDSM can be both a trigger and a path toward healing — sometimes in the same session. Here’s the research on trauma and kink, what trauma-informed practice actually looks like, and how to navigate this territory honestly with yourself and your partners.

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Article header image for Second Banana's sex myths fact-check. Dark forest-green background with a large faded "12" numeral behind the headline "Sex Myths That Are Wrong." in pale green, with "Are Wrong." in italic emerald. Descriptor reads "(And 3 that are somehow true.)" A green-gold banana curves across the right half behind a vertical forest rule. Tagline reads "Fact-Checked · Sourced · No Vibes — What the Actual Research Says."

Sexual Myths Science

12 Sex Myths That Are Wrong (And 3 That Are Somehow True) | Second Banana

June 19, 2026

Squirting isn’t pee (mostly). Size doesn’t matter (mostly). “Losing your virginity” barely means anything. We fact-checked the most common sex myths against the actual research — and a few of them surprised us.

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The Second Banana Blog

Why Long-Term Ethical Non-Monogamy Works (And Why It Sometimes Doesn't) | Second Banana

Celibacy, Chastity, and Involuntary Celibacy: The Full Honest Picture | Second Banana

How to Write Your Second Banana Post (And Why Specificity Changes Everything) | Second Banana

Why You Read Smut (And What It’s Actually Telling You) | Second Banana

How to Talk About Sex With a Partner (And Why It’s So Hard) | Second Banana

Orgasm: What It Actually Is, Why the Gap Exists, and What Actually Helps | Second Banana

Why Long-Term Relationships Kill Desire (And What Actually Helps) | Second Banana

Glory Hole: The Psychology of Structural Anonymity, the Fantasy vs the Reality, and What the Wall Actually Does | Second Banana

Trauma-Informed Kink: Being a Survivor Who’s Also Kinky | Second Banana

12 Sex Myths That Are Wrong (And 3 That Are Somehow True) | Second Banana

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